GRIEF

As with many others, I too am experiencing a period of intense grief. Pain, hurt, sorrow, loss, love, emptiness, you name it, I'm feeling it. I will be journaling over time my thoughts, feelings, and any actions I may take to make life without my loved one easier. (11/24/25)

After the loss of a loved one, you will grieve every day. Some days you have to do the hard grief, the harsh sobs until you have dry, gritty eyes, until the ache in your chest feels like it will burst wide open, until you’re physically wore out from carrying the burden of loss.

You can do the hard grief every day if you want. It is your grief. But I choose to do the silent grief most days, holding the sobs inside with the ache in my heart, that ache that constantly lets you know the loss is real. I think this is better for my sanity. I still have a life to live even with the pain. Plus, I know my son doesn’t want me to suffer every day, doesn’t want to see me crying every day. As he was in life, he still is in death, and he’d rather see my smile then my tears.

So most days I choose the silent grief.

We all handle grief differently. No one else can fully understand your grief, the emptiness inside after a loss, or what you have to do to allow your heart and your brain to keep on living. In that period between the silent grief, or the inside grief if you’d rather call it, that period before the harsh grief that can't always be contained takes over, I usually eat a lot of the same things over and over. Like having a banana split every day for two weeks. Or eating nacho chips and cheese ten days in a row for dinner. Recently I’ve been binging on chocolate, chocolate cookies, chocolate candy, chocolate ice cream. Last night I nearly went too far with the creamy chocolate candy, “Ice Cubes”. So yummy. I couldn’t stop eating. I fear an addiction may be lurking in my future.