GRIEF AND ANGER

I feel like I should post a letter something like this:

If I say I don’t want to talk, it’s not about you, it’s me. If I say I don’t want to call or text, it’s not about you, it’s me. If I say I don’t want to hear an “how are you?”, it’s not about you, it’s me. If I don’t’ want company and care right now but solitude, it’s not about you, it’s me. And believe me, it’s for your own good.

I have entered the anger stage of grief, and I don’t like anything right now. I’m mad at everyone. And it doesn’t really matter if it’s warranted or not. I thoroughly pissed at life and II will lash out. If you call and try to tell me about the rough day you had, I will not care. If you wanted to talk about how crappy you’ve been feeling, I will not care. I am overflowing with thoughts and emotions. I cannot take on one more feeling, mine or yours.

For me, it seems the grief with the anger stirs up memories of painful times, of hurts and resentments of the past, coming back to haunt once again. The grief and the anger make me realize how many times in the past I have fought just to survive. How I still am fighting to survive. I'm sorry I don't have time for you right now. I have to figure out stuff like who I am now and where I’m going from here. That is all I can handle right now.

Thanks for understanding. I'm struggling to survive.