GRIEF SUCKS

Some days, I don't let myself think about him. Well, maybe not the whole day, but a good portion of it. I refuse to dwell on his absence or remember how it felt when he was here. Instead, I find activities to keep me busy. I practice yoga, meditate, read a book, or even clean the toilet. Whatever it takes to halt that downward spiral.

But there are moments when these distractions no longer work. I allow myself to feel the pain. I cry until my eyes hurt and my nose is full of snot. Then, I start the process all over again. I strive to make it through a day, maybe even two or three, without breaking down. Each day becomes a small victory.

Eventually, I face a choice. I can either ease up on the grief and take a small step forward or remain stuck in the pain. Can I take that step forward and allow joy back into my life? Or will I choose to stay unhappy?

I'm not ready to make that decision. Not today. Maybe not even tomorrow. But slowly, I am discovering that I can enjoy life. Just being alive, even with the pain in my heart, is a step towards healing.