DEALING WITH GRIEF

Some days I don't let myself think about him. Well, maybe not the whole day but a good portion of it. I refuse to think about him being gone or to remember how it was when he was here. I find something to do to keep me busy. I do yoga. I meditate. I'll read a book. I'll clean the toilet. Whatever it takes to put the brakes on that downward spiral.

Until that doesn't work anymore and I just allow myself to let it all out and cry until my eyes hurt and my nose is full of snot, but the pain is more bearable.

Then I start the process all over again.

Until I was able to make it through a day, maybe even two or three, without breaking down and repeating the process.

Until the day comes when I have to make a choice to either ease up on the grief and take a small step forward, or not. Can I take that step forward and allow joy and happiness back into my life? Or will I choose to stay unhappy and stuck in the pain?

Not today. Maybe not even tomorrow.

But slowly I am discovering I can enjoy life, just being alive, even with the pain in my heart.